Jack Abramoff Scores Republican Trifecta!

The powerful, and now proven corrupt, Republican Party lobbyist, Jack Abramoff plead guilty in a Washington court today to three felony charges. It would seem a tragic blend of Republican zeal, ruthless immorality and unwavering greed led to his early downfall. The felony charges were Conspiracy, Fraud and Tax Evasion. [Also known as the Republican Trifecta]

Abramoff (pictured above) has agreed to co-operate with an ongoing investigation into allegations of widespread corruption involving high-ranking government officials, many of whom are now busily scrambling and shredding documents. In return for his "assistance" to the prosecution, the uber-lobbyist not suprisingly managed to lobby his way into a sweet deal- including a dramatic sentence reduction, proving once again "He hasn't lost his touch".

In Washington this evening, the quiet of night was pierced by the incessant squealings of paper shredders, the droning "practiced denials" mumbled by the nervous soon-to-be-implicateds, and the cell phone ring tones of the city's highest-priced defense attorneys.

"He seemed like such a nice man", said a former neighbor.

"Who would have thunk it?!"

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